Here's Everything I Learned About Being Over 40 and Using Tinder

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That's a solid premise not only because it encourages men to behave a little better, but it also gives us a nice opportunity to dip our toe in and see if we like someone before we decide whether or not to engage. Available for iOS and Android While has recently received some less-than-favorable PR in terms of safety concerns, competitor has largely avoided similar problems. Then we looked for a place to continue the conversation, gave up, and he brought me home, walked me to the door and gave me a goodnight kiss.

Available for iOS and Android For all our independent women ahem, , is a total lifesaver. Many of the women I interviewed noted that at this point in their lives, they found slightly younger dudes to be far more sexually attractive. Find the mantra that works for you.

Here's Everything I Learned About Being Over 40 and Using Tinder

More than a few women in their late 20s to mid 30s who generally dated older men are now switching to going out with younger guys. While the stereotypical cougar is a woman in her 40s with a boyfriend little more than half her age, these women are still in their 30s going out with guys just a few short years younger than themselves. What I'm talking about here is a bit more specific. I recently interviewed 49 women, solicited via Facebook, ranging in age from 26 to 40, with a median age of 31. Some women I interviewed in person, some over email. All had a history of dating older guys; all were either currently dating men younger than themselves, or were keenly interested in doing so. For most of them, this was a fairly new shift in their lives, one that had taken many by surprise. I never believed that, until I started dating guys on the cusp of 40. It's not that they slow down so much as they seem paralyzed by uncertainty about their lives. While the pool of straight, single males age 38-45 is smaller than that of dudes who are a decade younger, it isn't just scarcity that seems to be turning some women away from dating older men. It's a combination of social and sexual factors. But in this prolonged recession, more men than ever are hitting mid-life single — and with the keen awareness that they've fallen short both of their own dreams and of other's expectations. As many of the women in my informal study reported, many men on the cusp of 40 become preoccupied with their own ageing. Dating a younger woman is charged with meaning for them; it's one obvious way of continuing to feel youthful. But these older fellas are also more likely than younger men to be nonplussed by their girlfriends' success, which they compare grimly to their own real or perceived shortcomings. Nicole points out that when she first started dating older men, she was a poor college student. But as she grew into her own career, she soon found that those same older men no longer were necessarily more successful than she was. Men a few years older than me can't impress me with their money or their experience, because I've got as much of both as they do. And that seems to throw a lot of them off. These younger guys are not only less likely to feel that they're running out of time, they're not nearly as troubled by women who are often better educated and better paid than they are. Many other women I heard from seem to agree. But there's more to the appeal of younger guys than greater egalitarianism alone. Many of the women I interviewed noted that at this point in their lives, they found slightly younger dudes to be far more sexually attractive. As my interviewees made clear, the enduring myths that women aren't particularly visual — and that most women find grey hair and wrinkles to be turn-ons -— are just that, myths. While there are a few younger women who really are strongly attracted to older guys, the sexiness of the ageing male body is more than a little oversold in popular culture. Not a lot of 30 year-olds are as hot as Ryan Gosling- — but far fewer 40-something men look anything like Brad Pitt. Less likely to be controlling. More secure and self-confident. More comfortable with powerful women. Many whom I spoke to were just a little bit uncomfortable going public with their relationships, even as they were frank about their newfound preference for younger guys. But evidence and anecdote seem to suggest that for women in their 30s, there's a new template emerging. Whatever you do, however, please don't call them cheetahs or cougars. Hugo Schwyzer teaches history and gender studies at Pasadena City College. He blogs at his and at the.

As people age, they naturally grow less inclined to seek out relationships that are more casual. Naturally, the topic turned to men and the atmosphere in the room began to resemble a slumber party. I agree with the psychology professor Eli J. But evidence and anecdote seem to suggest that for women in their 30s, there's a new template emerging. When they text, I get back to them right away with a confirmation, and just like that, I'm off the app and looking forward to a nice glass of wine on Thursday with a proper gentleman. And this was the early aughts, in the early days of online dating: I was briefly onand went on a few dates, but it felt unnatural and weird, and I didn't know anyone else doing it. While I've had my share of ridiculous, pointless come-ons, I've also met men interested in real dating. Our first date was in a left-wing cooperative bookstore and cafe.